exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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