Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
