shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
