My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
