I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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