Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
