My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
