my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
