Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
