All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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