I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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