So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
