yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I haven't been this sober since birth.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
