I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize