I murdered the dance floor call the cops
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
