I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She's the barista slut.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
