If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
