So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize