So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm both gender and math confused
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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