THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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