My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
