just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize