I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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