I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
