My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize