a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
