I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
