we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
