3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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