Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
