I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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