Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Never let your siblings swipe right.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
