News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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