Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
