i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
