It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It was confusing and full of hummus
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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