Define "chronic" masturbator.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You may now shotgun with the bride
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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