wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
