he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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