A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
