First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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