Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize