what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
