How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize