I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Don't you send me to vm
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
