dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
