well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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