We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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