Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
