Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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