he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
