Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
