sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
