I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
