walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This is the high leading the old right now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize