she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
