i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
