My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
