Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
