the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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