I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
