everyone is single if you try hard enough
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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