I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
