hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
