i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
