Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
