It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
