i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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