I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Panties = found
Randomize