Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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