I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
